Seriously, I kinda Love/Hate this month a lot, too many things just happening and ongoing and its taking me down. School coming to an end, I need to move out of the dorm, get stuff send over to Chiang Mai and Donate some, have to decide where I wanna be, or work, or at least live permanently. I’m well stressed and really not being near any where called relax, I can’t really think straight at this point of time, but just glad that all of the project and homework are being submitted, presentation done, except the only thing now… FINAL EXAM! with so many things going on and many surprises and shocking news…erm I mean in a good way.
I hate to move house, move out, living a life in the luggage, I used to love being or at least wanted to be the citizen of the world, but now…. meh! I feel too old for that, I wanna settle down somewhere start making a living, have my own family, business etc….
I’ve gone through some hard time myself lately – I gave myself the ultimatum during the Big Ben’s birthday, I was really contemplating to leave everything behind and move on, but I guess my heart just betrayed me again and again. I can leave easily if I want but that would mean another half of me would be crying like a bitch deep down inside. I’ve learned a lot with The Big Ben, even though he may not be the perfect guy, or he may seems like a man about town, but I personally feel that he is indeed very kind and has a big heart person. I feel really good with him; He’s real at least, doesn’t have to be fake to be around him and that’s what I like about him the most.
I don’t regret coming out of my shell when I told him on the 2 Jan this year, about how I really feel and that I admitted defeat, without giving a flying fuck if he’s going to reject me or say something horrible to me but I just follow my guts feel “Just do it” I’m glad I did, and here he is a loving, wonderful, funny and very very Adorable in his own way. I love what I see, I adore what I feel and I of course would give my best shot to this. He gave me something to learn, each time we met, I always learn something new, slowly yet steady….I felt like I’m a student doing the course on The Big Ben’s Anatomy with some of my friend’s guidelines so my friend’s actually acted as a professor that comes with course outline for the subject called The Big Ben’s Anatomy, and I’m the dummy student. He’s like the Discovery Channel form Myanmar Cable, Depending on the weather, but deep down inside was a calm and steady person with a little fucked up mind.
He has been great to me overall; Been the greatest support for me during my tough time and make me laugh. Been there whenever We’re happy too. Thank you Ratty
This time I feel like shit, at this point of time, I feel sooooo overwhelmed and way too over-loads and therefore I have nothing positive to say to you. Each time I tried to crack a joke and make you laugh I ended up feeling like crying myself.. this is horror, tragic. I’m really sorry for bugging you with all the unnecessary phone calls and stupid conversation when I was drunk ;(. In the same time, Thanks for always be there for me and putting up with my nonsensical acts. I know I’m silly at times, but trust me Bangkok didn’t make me crazy, but the schedule and reality made me this way. I’m terribly sorry baby x