The Many Good-Byes

Good Bye November and Hello Hola December!

I’ve been out and about, my life been pretty busy filled up with all the endless deadlines; school activities and parties. Bang! There I am…December.
This is the beginning of the end…

Thanksgiving is over, here comes Christmas Eve and New Year….

Another Revolutions coming up for many of us…and there it is, another good-bye.

I was looking at my own graph, as in where I’ve been for the past months…how many shoes I’ve worn, how many miles I’ve walked, then I realised, all of us have got to go through it, inevitably we all have to go through all sort of emotions; its a roller coaster but we all glad we got on the ride. At least once in our lives we experience it, to prove to ourselves that; this is it, “I am human being living in this world and I’ve gone through this kinda emotion and that stage of life” We sure owe it to ourselves for all the things that happened, but what we all have to do right now is…just continue the walk and open the next chapter of our lives just take it as our next chapter will be in plain white paper for us to write whatever on and it will all be fine again. 

Woke up one morning feeling like “I need to do this” or “I have the urge to do this”, always happened to me…

I had the urge to tell someone I feel so much for but it wasn’t reciprocated, for the first time in my life; Ouch! that hurt! but I get over it.

I had the urge to have McShit (Maccas) at 3 a.m. I just gave my phone a jiggle and 45 minutes later…Spicy McChicken wings set appeared in front of me… and I immensely dig in with happiness…

There was one moment when I woke up in the middle of the night, found myself laying in bed with the wild thoughts in my head about “why am I feeling this way? I think I feel kinda lonely no? or What do I really need?” 

And I get over it.

Those phrases of my life always keep my sanity intact, and reminded me of who I am and What I want for myself. Some people may think I’m kind of Self-absorbed bitch, Do I care? the answer is “No” Big No to their faces.

I had a thought, what if I didn’t choose Thailand as the place for me to pursue my higher education, Would I have the chance of getting to know that many great people along the way? I guess so but in a different way. Of course!

I’ve said Good-byes too many times to count, Good-byes could mean a Good-start to all of us and I believe that there are so many things waiting…ahead of us we could not somehow figure it out because whatever you’ve planned for may not turn out to be exactly what you want in life. Your plan may not turn to be like 6 or 7 ducks in a row, a straight row I mean and not crooked one. 

Life would be so boring if there are not Ex-Boyfriends, Ex-Colleagues, Ex-Classmates or even Ex-Boss ah! another one, “Where I came from” I guess every little thing in life made us who we are…today, Its the matter of choices we made and the consequences we face aftermath. What’s more important is how we focus on our present and make it possible to the next step; which is “future”, let the past be the professor(s) or just take it as “things happen for reason” then embraced it with grace…

The “X” files happen for reason, they are there to tell you something.  

I used to be so scared of the Good-byes cos I do not know what going to happen next, or how am I going to survive the next day without this(person, thing, la la la on and on) Now I’ve learned that and I guess we all gotta learn how to pick ourselves up after the unexpected good-byes and the expected ones, Right?. We all just gotta deal with it…Wisely.

I’ve professed my feeling to someone once and that was the first time in my life, I took it pretty hard because I totally put my dignity and my pride aside, I didn’t know how that person actually felt about me, but I’m sure as hell that he is somewhat a Pussy or just had his ego (egoistic prick sad Little cunt)

But at least I’ve done my part, and I am ready to bit farewell to that sad little person. I have no hard feeling and I’m sure we could be friends again…maybe when he starts wearing honesty shirt in his closet just a bit more, then we’re on for the same language. 

I feel like I’m on a search for the perfect country to live or the perfect shoes that mesh well with me and won’t be too complicated to put it on or remove whenever I needed to. But if life can be that easy, it wouldn’t be so tasty and yummy as it should…Life is simple but it’s not that SIMPLE as we all put it. 

It doesn’t come with the user guide or manual for us to find and figure out where and what to do with it. It’s mysterious and its intriguing, how we sleep it off and wake up to the next, how we gonna live it and how we gonna end it at the end of the day. It’s that simple?  maybe to some people but it’s not that easy for a lot of us. Everyday…there’s always something for us to learn and discover, we just don’t know especially for those who take advantage of their own lives and not sure how to cherish whatever they have. 

I’m grateful for whatever I have, thought I may whinged alot and all the time but I kinda have my moment just like any normal human being should have too. 

I used to think; how wonderful would it be to wake up next to my love one and share the breakfast, read news and take it from there individually…but I think that moment would just be in the little girl’s dream because I find myself jumping to the shelf that no one can never take me down and I don’t think I would ever be ready to jump off the shelf for someone…
just yet.

Not now any way. 

I kissed good-byes many times to the people that I actually thought they would be great without me. That does not mean I kiss good-byes to my own life, For Godforsaken love life? nah…not me anyway…

It’s December now and I’ve been having a great time with lovely people and what more can I ask for? 

I just am glad that I’m Kicking and alive!

God Bless you all!

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