I feel "Love" again…Welcome back Christina

Suddenly feel like a bitch….

Never before in my life, I ever feel this way…This is a bitch seriously. 

Feel like i just betrayed my heart…

I just betrayed my feeling…

I walked away from the one that I know will have the power to move me….

That very moment when I realised how I truly feel…I felt like shit…I wanna cry…I fucked it up badly this time…big time!

How can I REDIAL or UNWIND the CLOCK??? I wanted so bad to go back to where I was….Where we were, But I guess I just gotta keep on moving. The show must go on isn’t it? There’s no time to dwell in it anymore..But this is happening just too fast too fast that I can’t even remember when was the last time I truly feel myself and be myself…..

How can you see that in me? How come I can’t see it coming? How could you do this to me?
How come you read me like a Book but you thought I was not the person you knew?

Deep down inside of me I’m still that little girl…that girl you would know, but you just refused to see it that all I am on the surface was just what I have to do in order to survive this cruel world…Why did you refused to accept that little part of me….I ain’t an angel, i ain’t God…I have flaws just like you..Just like everyone on this planet….

While Lying in bed….I had a deep thought this morning about myself…my feeling and everything…and I finally realised what I truly need and What I truly feel….

Now I know where my heart is… The first time in my life…I feel this way and I can actually feel my heart beats….and My heart beats for someone not just myself not just my family and friends……it does beats for someone out there too…

I asked myself over and over again “is this just like how I felt about Sean back then?” the answer is “No, back then it was just a puppy love I guess but I did loved him truly with all my heart” 

I know how I feel now and I finally learned what is “Love” again…

WELCOME BACK CHRISTINA!!!! Now you know what is love, after sooooo Long that has been gone..it is coming back now…

I may put myself out there too much and show you the vulnerable part of me…but if you look closer and deeper….I am just like you afraid of getting hurt and afraid of what the other person might do to me and being able to find the feeling back again…. I dun wanna lie to myself and not admitting how I feel again… Enough…. I don’t ever wanna run away from my feeling again! 

I’ve come to accepted my own choice I made…. though I’m moving on with the heart that bleeding out like flood…a walking wounded person or a handicap without the privilege of a great a parking space but I will be better in time… 

I will be Okay. Just Fine. Fabulous… and when that little piece of my soul finally comes back I will be… 

I may seem strong on the outside…But deep down inside of me… I am crying and hurt… bruised so badly and well wrapped by the bandages… I am just weak and tired ….

I may be able to erase you off every where in my contact list, my facebook, my twitter, and so on…but I can never erase you off from my heart and I definitely can’t erase the feeling that have for you…

I hope you are Happy now.


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